I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
