I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She's the barista slut.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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