I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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