everyone is single if you try hard enough
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
