how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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