Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
