so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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