I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
