I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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