Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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