coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
