I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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