So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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