that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
