This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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