I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
