i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
