Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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