Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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