I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
