Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
