Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
