While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize