He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
