i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
