it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
