Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
my shit smells like andre
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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