omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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