I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize