I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
