I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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