Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He felt like a one man threesome
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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