actually, I'm a sock model
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
