her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you traded sex for a burrito?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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