Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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