the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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