I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
