Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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