Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
