i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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