1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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