i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I intend to get homeless drunk
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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