I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
