I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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