It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
