i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I think i got beer on your cat.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
