I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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