I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
