I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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