I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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