Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
True strength comes from lack of pants
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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