I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
