It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
