so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
