you guys were way drunker than both of me
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
