remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
