I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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