im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Randomize
