Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
