i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
