Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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