he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
