Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
