i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
