oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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