He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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