you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
