I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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